I have a sexual question that I can’t figure out with my own experience: how do you take a huge dick without it being painful? I’ve never bottomed before but I have a friend who’s new to anal sex and I’m not sure what to tell him. I asked huge dick guys and they never pay attention to what the bottom is applying to ease his ass. I’ve asked bottoms and they responded that they just used to it.
just get more oil. Sexual movement need some hurt to cheer up.
I love buttplay--both as a bottom and a top. In fact I am into probably more extreme play than most of the guys on your site, as I am into fisting (the insertion of a hand into the rectum). Now, before people go “ewwwww” and move on, there are a lot of lessons to be learned by those who are not into fisting from those of us who are when it comes to getting a tight hole to open up!
There are essentially two kinds of guys when it comes to buttplay (fucking or fisting); those who like to have their hole romanced, and those who just want you to stick it in and leave the foreplay for later. Find out which one your guy is before you start. If he wants his hole romanced, he’ll feel raped if you just stick it in. If he’s the stick it in kind of guy, he’ll get bored if you spend a lot of time teasing it. So, talk about it.
Even so, a little foreplay us usually a good thing. Tops need to learn a little about the anatomy of the butthole (and so do bottoms).
There are 2 sphincters that make up your butthole. The outer one is the one that clenches up tight when you are anxious (the one that squeezes tight when someone runs the red light in front of you). The inner one is part of your autonomic nervous system--the one that controls heartbeat, breathing, all your unconscious body activity. This is the sphincter that keeps you from pooping your pants.
To get inside, you’ve gotta get both of these lil fellas to relax. Find a comfortable position for both of you. If you’re both into rimming, this can be a good place to practice your moves.
Gentle stroking of the surface of the butthole with your fingers or tongue. Don’t try to insert anything until you’re invited by the hole to do so. Nibble on the butt cheeks. Make love to his ass, listen for happy noises. Encourage him to let you know how you’re doing and how he feels.
Keep an eye on the hole. As you’re progressing, you should start to see it relax from its “fully upright and puckered” position to something less so. You may even see it start to wink at you--all good signs. When you see it start winking, you can start to insert a finger or your tongue, to manipulate the outer sphincter. Remember, you’re not “stickin’ it in” you are playing with it--massaging it. Listen for more happy sounds, and as he opens up more, begin to insert your finger in deeper.
From here, it is just a matter of continuing to maneuver slowly, adding more fingers and gentle play until he hollers out “FUCK ME!!” (Or something like that.)
When it comes time to insert your dick, remember to go slowly. He’s probably not ready for you to pound his ass quite yet. He’s trusted you to let you this far--don’t betray that trust or it may be over before either of you gets off. And, tops, it is almost always better to leave him wanting more, so don’t think this has to be your best performance ever!
BOTTOMS: Don’t lie there quietly. Tell the top what you like, how you like it and during the process how you are feeling. If you are a screamer, let it fly (but if he tells you his Bf is in the next room and to keep it down, that’s probably good advice). It’s your ass.
Before you start, if you have any issues, questions or concerns, talk them over with the top. Sometimes cleanliness is an issue. If so, tell the top and get his promise that he will tell you if you need to touch up a little. If it is your first time--or your first time with a dick that big, tell him and make him promise to go gently with you until you get used to it.
And by all means, BREATHE! Big deep, cleansing breaths. You should both be able to hear you breathing. When you exhale, send your breath down through your butthole, relaxing every muscle between your mouth and your hole.
Jerking off in the beginning is probably not a good idea as it tends to make the hole contract. Leave jo to later, when he’s inside you. Also, aromas are likewise not usually a good idea until he’s in for the same reason.
I have a saying, “Where the mind goes, the butthole will follow.” When you are relaxed and happy in your mind, your body and your hole will be happy and relaxed also.
For an in depth discussion, you can check out my booklet at: http://www.hellholesf.com/links/ and click on “The Sacred Art of Fisting” to download the free pdf.
I personally would not recommend things that take away pain, because then you might not be able to feel when something is wrong.
I can only recommend from own experience that when you are really relaxed you might be amazed at what you can take without any pain. However that is usually only the case with people you really trust. Which is also very important. Know for whom you are bottoming.
Most comments here are right: start small and then get to bigger things, but really take your time, when you are new and especially anxious, preparation is very important. Led him make you feel comfortable, maybe via rimming, fingering or giving him a blowjob while you are doing it. The atmosphere can help, also trust is very important. Preferably you could ride him, because while it might be more exhausting for you, you can control the pace more easily than usual in doggie-style.
Also what is in my opinion very important is this:
Do not play into the bottom stereotype of being some passive toy for the top. He wants into your ass and your ass belongs to no one but yourself, so it is you who are calling the shots. If he wants into your ass, he has to play by your rules.
Forget toys and medications, just find a friend with a smaller dick to go first and help clear the way!
Hi Peter,
You asked about “Anal ease” products?
The problem with them is they work by deadening the nerves in the rectum( like Ambasol does to a toothache,same basic ingredient) but it also deadens the nerves in your penis,so you have NO or little feeling during sex. I realize this may not answer your question, but i thought I’d pass along that info
Thanks
In my personal life, I’ve always had boyfriends that have had huge dicks that were the least were nine inches, the most eleven. I actually never felt like bottoming unless I was totally in love with them. Being in love makes you feel comfortable and relaxed with someone can help a lot with opening yourself up to someone special. Therefore, there are certain anal ease products that do work as well as butt plugs that will open the anal area up from the tightness. I know for me, Anal-Eze product did work for me as well putting a butt plug up my ass until it felt comfortable and good.
I think your cock would be painful and pleasurable at the same time, Peter!
Don’t know about the anal ease products; wouldn’t want to block the feelings. I suggest the potential bottom spend time alone using lots of lube and playing with his ass, first fingers then dildos of varying sizes. For the first time, find a patient top who will play with his ass first and be ok if the first time needs to be next time. Poppers can help, too.
The bottom are be open to a big dick for the first time if the guy with the big dick takes it slowly and with lots of patience. First timer bottom needs to relax and enjoy the moment not the pain. Lubricants always help and also rimming the anus. Remember big dick he has to enjoy it and love it. Get him horny enough to take your big dick.
Go slow and use toys to prep yourself.
All I can say is go slow and also use toys like anal plugs with ascending sizes to practice.
Here’s my solution i went to this website called bodyactionlubes.com
they have something called magic stamina it’s a spray that you spray in the anal part of ur partners butt and it sort of in a way numbs the area like an anesthetic but you still feel the dick going in but you don’t feel any pain what so ever. i know because i tried it myself. and Im a bottom who has problems taking big dicks because they hurt.
Hope this helps
My bf and I kind of stayed away from anal, cause my cock was too big and hurt. But after several years of just oral, we needed to figure it out. He uses a longer, elongated plug for about an hour now before sex. Has worked wonders on our sex lives