Cheating on your partner is bad, although some say it is guilt that makes you feel bad and that’s a wasted emotion. In the book, The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs by Peggy Vaugn, the statistics for cheating Americans is pretty high; about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage.
A straight friend of mine, who is going out with a married woman, asked me for advice on whether he should take this relationship to another level. He did feel strange when going out with this women at the beginning, but he later justified it by saying, “If it’s not me then it will be someone else.” There is some truth to that, because the person cheating has already made up their mind to cheat.
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I have another friend who is married and who got involved with a married woman he worked with. Things were great for a while, but after a few months everything turned for the worse. He was having a dinner party with his wife and friends when a neighbor ran over to say his car and garage was on fire. They ran out to see his neighbors with their garden hoses putting out the fire and he could hear the sirens from the fire trucks in the background heading to his house. He saw the woman down the street parked in her car watching the events take place. He came clean with his wife and with his friends whose car also got a little burned in the fire. It has been about five years since that happened and my friend had got cancer and survived during that time with the support of his family and friends.
I guess the lesson is, if you want to screw around stay single. If you decide to commit to someone, then commit. And if you are contemplating cheating on your partner, think twice because you could literally be playing with fire.
I just feel that cheating is cheating..it doesn’t matter on the orientation of the individuals involved ..its cheating..and I also feel that its even worse because this gentleman was living in a closet as gay man but also while living a life as a family man as well…this is just my opinon, but that’s how I see it..cheating is not broken down into categories..
I guess feel a kind of sympathy for the closeted guy.. who’s tormented and trapped by his situation.. that I wouldn’t feel for a same-sex lover or husband that was cheating.. and lying to his partner. Someone’s who gay and married with children would feel an added burden of guilt and responsibility because his family’s reputation and welfare would be affected if his suppressed sexual identity was known. Cheating is cheating, but some people have more skin in the game.. and I’ve always been the kind of man who feels for whoever hurts the most.
I have to say that I totally agree with your analogy of if you commit to someone, then be committed and if you’re the type that likes to f**k around, then you need to stay single. Unfortunately, you have those individuals who wants to have their cake and eat it too. When I use to bartend, there was a guy who would come into the bar on certain nights and you can tell by his attire, that he was a corporate business man. He became pretty comfortable with me and would not let any of the other bartenders serve him but me. I would flirt with him and give him hugs, let him grab my ass, give him a little kiss, and he would give me a $50 tip..on the nights that we had strippers, I would have the hottest ones go over to the dark area of the club and perform lap dances for him privately, and then he would reward me with $100. Now, this is the shocker..the bartending was my night job that I did just to meet different people and my day job was at a huge white collared, suit and tie Fortune 500 company. This particular day, I was walking down one of hallways in the company, and the Executive VP was walking towards me and he had this gentleman with him and they were engaged into this conversation. However, when the EVP saw me coming towards them, he called me to come over so that he could introduce me to the guy he was with..and GUESS WHO THE GUY WAS??…lol..my customer from the club..when this guy saw it was ME..his eyes got so big, and his body language got so cold towards me that you could tell that he was very uncomfortable that he didn’t want to acknowledge me…later on, the EVP came by my office and closed my door and he started telling me about “my bar customer” and how they were college buddies and he was married to his sister for 20 years with three kids..then he asked me if I knew him prior to meeting him that day..I asked him why he would ask me that question, and he told me that he notice how uncomfortable the guy was when I approached them..I denied that I did…and he walked away..Few nights later, the guy came into the club, and I motioned for him to come over to the dark area of the bar..and I went off about his attitude towards me at the company and inquired about him living a double life…to make a long story short, as time went on, eventually he slipped up, and his wife found out more than what she wanted, and preceded to file for a divorce..Go Figure!!!
JW -- Great story, thanks for sharing.
that’s an interesting story JW.. but cheating on a wife because you’re living a double life and living a lie is kind of different from being in a committed gay closed relationship.. or married to a same sex partner and you’re cheating on him. Having been around lots of straight and gay men of various ages, I’ve come to believe that men are either inclined to cheat, or not cheat.. it’s just part their psychological make-up. Just like some people will steal, and others will not, regardless of the opportunity or their circumstances.
monogomy is a gift you give each other; if the present is too costly, the wrong size ot not really wanted, don’t offer it to begin with — otherwise resentment will follow when it is not appreciated or reciprocated
yeahh…^^know thy self well,be responsible to thy self^^